The stories about who we are and how the world works originate in our autonomic state, are sent through autonomic pathways from the body to the brain, and are then translated by the brain into the beliefs that guide our daily living. The mind narrates what the nervous system knows. Story follows state. Before the brain understands and makes meaning of an experience, the autonomic nervous system has assessed the situation and initiated a response. Coined by Polyvagal Theory developer Stephen Porges, neuroception describes how our autonomic nervous system takes in information. This inner, subconscious surveillance system gathers information through three pathways: inside listening to what is happening in our internal organs, outside scanning the environment, and between sensing the connection to another nervous system. Through neuroception, we are continuously broadcasting and receiving messages of welcome and warning. In response to the information that we receive via neuroception, the autonomic nervous system makes moment-to-moment decisions about safety and survival, and we move from state to state along the autonomic hierarchy.

The autonomic nervous system responds to sensations in the body and signals from the environment through three pathways of response. These pathways work in a specified order and respond to challenges in predictable ways called the autonomic hierarchy. Each pathway brings its own set of thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and bodily experiences. The three pathways (and their patterns of response), in evolutionary order from oldest to newest, are the dorsal vagus (immobilization), the sympathetic nervous system (mobilization), and the ventral vagus (social engagement and connection).

At the top of the autonomic hierarchy, is the system of connection. The ventral state is essential for health and wellbeing. In this state, we feel grounded, organized, and ready to meet the day. Life feels manageable; we see options, have hope, and hear new stories. We connect to ourselves, to others, to the world around us, and to Spirit. We are regulated and ready to engage. Our heart rate is regulated and our breath is full. We take in the faces of friends, tune in to conversations, and tune out distracting noises. We see the big picture and connect to the world and the people in it. I might describe myself as happy, active, interested and the world as safe, fun, and peaceful. From this ventral vagal place at the top of the autonomic ladder, I am connected to myself and can reach out to others. Some of the daily living experiences in this state include being organized, following through with plans, taking care of myself, taking time to play, doing things with others, feeling productive at work, and having a general feeling of regulation and a sense of management. Health benefits include a healthy heart, regulated blood pressure, a strong immune system decreasing my vulnerability to illness, good digestion, quality sleep, and an overall sense of well-being.

Down one step on the hierarchy, is a system of mobilization. In its everyday function, it helps regulate heart and breath rhythms and brings us energy to move through the day. In its survival role, it activates pathways of fight and flight and pulls us into anxiety and anger. We go into action. Fight or flight happens here. In this state, our heart rate speeds up, our breath is short and shallow, we scan our environment looking for danger—we are “on the move.” I might describe myself as anxious or angry and feel the rush of adrenaline that makes it hard for me to be still. I am listening for sounds of danger and don’t hear friendly voices. The world may feel dangerous, chaotic, and unfriendly. From this place of sympathetic mobilization—a step down the autonomic ladder — I may believe, “The world is a dangerous place and I need to protect myself from harm.” Some of the daily living problems can be anxiety, panic attacks, anger, inability to focus or follow through, and distress in relationships. Health consequences can include heart disease; high blood pressure; high cholesterol; sleep problems; weight gain; memory impairment; headache; chronic neck, shoulder, and back tension; stomach problems; and increased vulnerability to illness.

At the bottom of the hierarchy, in its everyday role regulates digestion bringing nutrients to nourish us. When recruited in service of survival, dorsal becomes a system of shutting down. We feel drained, without enough energy to engage with the world. We collapse, disconnect, and disappear. Here bottom of the hierarchy, I am alone with my despair and escape into not knowing, not feeling, almost a sense of not being. I might describe myself as hopeless, abandoned, foggy, too tired to think or act and the world as empty, dead, and dark. From this earliest place on the evolutionary timeline, where my mind and body have moved into conservation mode, I may believe, “I am lost and no one will ever find me.” Some of the daily living problems can be dissociation, problems with memory, depression, isolation, and no energy for the tasks of daily living. Health consequences of this state can include chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, digestive issues, low blood pressure, and respiratory problems.

We regularly travel this hierarchy as we navigate the challenges of daily living. In fact, none of us are always anchored in regulation. That is an unreasonable and unachievable goal. Wellbeing comes from a nervous system that moves out of ventral regulation into sympathetic and dorsal dysregulation and finds the way back to ventral. Moving out of regulation into sympathetic or dorsal survival is not the problem. It is only when we move out of regulation and get stuck there that we suffer.

Co-regulation is necessary first to survive and then to thrive. It is a biological imperative—a need that must be met to sustain life. Through reciprocal regulation of our autonomic states, we feel safe to move into connection and create trusting relationships. As we grow, we add the ability to self-regulate, but we never lose the need and the longing to be safely connected to others. Through co-regulation, a foundation of safety is created, and nourishing connections follow. Co-regulation creates a physiological platform of safety that supports a psychological story of security that then leads to social engagement. The autonomic nervous systems of two individuals find sanctuary in a co-created experience of connection. We live in a culture that encourages autonomy and independence, and yet we need to remember that we are wired to live in connection. Co-regulation is a necessary ingredient for physical and emotional wellbeing. Throughout our lives we look for, and long for, safe and reliable connections.